When I Die, You Can Get On Facebook All You Want

oct 15
Hi Everyone! I missed you guys. I took some time this weekend to disconnect from facebook and spend some “real quality” time with friends and family in mountains of PA. We are all so entrapped in the social media world that we forget that sitting at a dinner table with family does not require one to go through the facebook newsfeed simultaneously. For those of us with children, THEY are watching us, and we are setting the example of what is their “norm.”

A few months before Marlon passed away, I recall he said something that completely changed the way I view and handle social media – it was heartbreaking and enlightening. During his final months, I was with him 24/7 as I was blessed to take a leave of absence from work. At times, I thought that laying next to him while reading facebook newsfeeds was still being present because I was physically with him. I didn’t realize how bad my addiction to fb got until he looked at me and shared his darkest fear and opened up my eyes in a way I never imagined.

Although I thought I knew everything about my husband and his condition, Marlon hid from me that he had Stage IV Cancer months after he found out. So on one occasion when I was on my facebook escape from the reality of my life – he looked at me and asked me to put my phone away. His exact words “when I die, you can get on facebook all you want.” My heart sank, but for a second I thought that was a pretty mean comment – and then I saw his eyes and realized there was much more to his statement. I started going through papers like a mad woman as my gut told me to search – and there it was in print – STAGE IV Cancer.

He was so strong physically and mentally that I never imagined that the Cancer has spread. He wanted to protect me from knowing the inevitable, but had to give me a warning that his time was limited – and he did it in a way that truly made me take action. I checked out of fb for good to focus on my family.

There are many lessons I learned from my own journey…and here are a few:

1- Never mix facebook and family time (especially at dinner table or in bed with your spouse)
2- Schedule a time when you do browse through social media. 30 minutes a day? Figure out what works for you!
3- Be the news – don’t read ALL the news. Post things to inspire and motivate others it will do wonders for your own soul; don’t be a slave to everyone else’s reality, which for the most part is really distorted because you only see a glimpse into their world.
4- If your priorities like your children and your significant other and parents, friends, etc are not scheduled on your calendar – then they are not being treated as priority. Schedule quality time and keep that appointment, just as if you would a business meeting.

Marlon enjoyed visiting his best friend’s home several times a year in the Poconos, and this weekend was our first trip without him. It was heartbreaking but very healing for me especially. I took his urn with us so physically he was with us, and I felt his spirit with me as I took a risk like only he could – it was the biggest risk of my life to date….to be continued…..

Be blessed – and if you read my fb post yikes, I may have just eaten up all of your facebook time:) With love, Kenia

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