His Final Moments

hospital

Today marks 1 month since my soul-mate passed away. Do I ever have to pinch myself to make sure that he is gone? No, not really – I accept his passing. Our story was written way before we ever met. As his friend Brian said at his memorial celebration, “Marlon would have gotten Cancer with or without you in his life – thank God it was with you”.

I feel so blessed that God chose me to be his wife. I would not be the woman I am today, if it wasn’t for the lessons that Marlon taught me through his life, in his death and beyond.

On Tuesday, April 30th I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I had to tell my husband he was dying. I had been told since January that he had 2 weeks to live, but I kept this heavy news to myself because I did not have the heart to put this weight on his shoulders. John-Marlon ended living another 5 months, and in those 5 months we took the kids sledding to the Pocono’s with friends that have treated us more like family – Angel and Kathy. He also took a relaxing trip to Florida to spend time with his childhood friends, and most importantly we emerged as soul-mates.

What I am about to share may seem kind of amusing – so if you laugh don’t feel bad. I still laugh when I think about it. The reason I had to tell him that he had two weeks to live was because he was a phone call away from having a mega pool installed in our backyard. He was adamant that I kept delaying the project, and he begged for me to budge because he was becoming desperate to take a swim. Can you imagine? A dying man – and thinking about swimming and enjoying life!

Once the words escaped my lips, I saw the devastation and the shock on his face immediately. We cried together for a very long time. We hugged gently as he was so fragile that I did not want to hurt him. After I shared this devastating news, I had to follow with even more heartbreaking news. I told him that as his proxy I was making the decision to put him in the Hospice program at Calvary. Seconds after I said this to him, his face transformed; the only way to describe his face was angelic. “I’m ready to go” he said. For the first time I experienced what inner-peace truly was; when he responded I knew that he not only meant that he was ready to go to Calvary, but that he was surrendering to God’s will. At that moment, we locked eyes and knew we would both be ok. I asked for permission to take a picture; we both gave a big cheesy smile…and sealed it with a kiss.

Here is a timeline of his days in Hospice:

Tuesday, 4/30- He was admitted as a patient. Once he arrived and got settled he said “Why didn’t you put me here sooner?” ☺

Wednesday, 5/1- Children visited and cried terribly when they saw their father in a hospital bed. I figured this was the last time they would ever see him, so I took lots of pictures and recorded Marlon leaving us some final messages that we will cherish forever. John-Marlon was in great spirits that day and eventually so were the kids. My 5 year old called Calvary “The Fun Hospital”

Thursday, 5/2- John-Marlon looked pretty good and strong, so I went home and spent time with kids, but when I returned in the evening he said “Keep messing around..if you keep leaving, you are going to miss my last breath” – Yikes! I decided I needed to stay put.

Friday 5/3- John’s health began to decline and Pastor Dan came by to see his friend and blessed and annointed him with oil and we prayed over him. We prayed for healing, but John-Marlon responded “I’m ready to go” with a smile on his face. That same night Marlon got a burst of energy and we ended up watching the Knick game together – I recorded him yelling “take him out” and “kill the clock” at the tv– it was awesome…I had to chuckle that this guy had days to live and he was still getting pissed off at the Knicks! I was so thankful that in his final days he was 100% present.

Saturday, 5/4- His childhood friends visited after midnight that night due to a late flight. Although I insisted they not come, I am glad they did not listen to me. When Hyung and Brian cried over Marlon when they saw him, he let them finish crying and then said…”I can’t stand it when people are like boo-hoo-hoo – do me a favor, don’t cry when you come see me”. We all broke out in laughter, because he meant every word of it. He did not want anyone feeling sorry for him. As the boys reminisced for the next couple of hours..we ended up laughing so hard that I thought we were going to get kicked out, instead a nurse walked in and joined in on the party. It was now almost 2am. Later that day John-Marlon and I had some private time and said cheers to life as we sipped some white zinfandel.

Sunday, 5/5 – Due to John-Marlon’s renewed energy and vitality, I ran home to get the kids so they can come see their dad for the final time. The kids were so happy to see him, and I made a conscious decision to take more pictures to remind the kids in years to come that in their dad’s final days…he was happy, present, at peace…and even silly (see picture taken 2 days before he passed). It was hard to send off the kids home because I knew they would never see him again. On this night, he began to reach for the ceiling as he was semi-conscious. He could barely move his body, but his reach was so purposeful that he was using every ounce of his body to reach for whatever he saw that I didn’t. I smiled because I knew whatever he saw was divine.

Monday-5/6- John-Marlon’s health began to decline, he became restless, and he seemed to only want me in his presence. I told him that on the following day, I would need to leave him at around 2pm to be present for our girls’ recital pictures. He looked at me and responded with an “ok, we’ll see”, as if he knew something that I didn’t. For the rest of that day he slept the majority of the time. That night I slept next to him as I always did, but on this night I had my body on the cot, and my head rested next to him on his bed as he wanted to feel my touch. Before I completely passed out, I noticed that he once again reached for something that was above him, and now he was desperate to get a hold of it. I knew that it was only a matter of time for him to see what was on the other side of whatever he was trying to grasp.

Something happened to me that night, that to this moment – I cannot explain. I felt in my heart that it was his final night, but something restrained my body from being able to get up and watch over him. He called my name for what seemed like hours, but for every time he called my name, I could only ever so slightly raise my head towards him and mumble “I’m here”. He would pat my head every time I responded to his call. I tried my best to stay up and watch him, but my body was no longer being controlled by me – something had taken over. Yes, I was tired, but this had nothing to do with my inability to stay up. As I mentioned, I still cannot explain the force that kept my body down that night. The only thing I could think of is that I was not meant to witness these final conscious moments.

Tuesday-5/7
8am- When I woke up I was completely saddened to see he was unresponsive. I gave him a gentle kiss, and called for the Nurse. When the nurse came in I said “he will pass this morning”. The nurse said “he could stay like this for days.” I looked at her and insisted “call the doctor and tell him he is going this morning”.

9ish – I texted family and friends to inform them that he will be leaving us this morning.

11:02am – I pulled out my phone and recorded us touching hands as beautiful healing music played in the background. I put my hand on a cross in the room, and placed it on him and gave him permission to leave me. I counted six seconds in between his very heavy labored breaths; there was then a seven second pause in between each breath. I waited for eight seconds, but he was constant at seven seconds.

11:21am- I turned around to repeat a song on the CD player. I had my back turned for a few seconds only. When I turned back around, I noticed he had stopped breathing. With confidence and faith I tapped his hand and said out loud “hey, that’s not fair, I turned around for a few seconds, you can’t do that – you have to give me one more breath…one more”. I waited for what seemed like an eternity, and with the softest blow as if he was puckering for a kiss he let out he exhaled and let out his final breath. I smiled because he had given me one of the greatest gifts I could ever receive in this lifetime – he let me hold his hand as he took his final breath. Before I called for the nurse, I took a moment to appreciate my life with this beautiful man and I smiled – I had peace beyond understanding. Thank you God!

48 Responses to “His Final Moments

  • I’m speechless right now! Your strength it’s remarkable. I love you dearly. May god continue to bless you and guide you.

  • I read this at work and tears rolled down my face at the remarkable way you describe your beautiful last moments with him. You are ever so brave and have a beautiful soul my friend and it shows clearly through your writing. May God bless you!

  • Amazing, your decisions your strength your love dedication and support was amazing. You are a strong woman. Your children are strong babies. :::prayers:::

  • Wow!!!! Kenia thank you so much for letting us in.. For sharing.. God has truly blessed you & continues to walk by you shining on you, blessing you as he blesses those around you that you inspire so very much. I love you. ❤

  • Oh Kenia…this was so beautiful and so touching. I am in complete awe of your strength and your willingness to share. Thank you for this. I love you!!

  • Wow! So powerful!! This is a True love story…
    You were both so meant to be..so strong.. So loving.. Such a beautiful family… Kenia you are an amazing woman and you inspire me every day to live with purpose, live with strength and love.. Thank you so much for sharing… God will continue to bless you and your family… Xoxox

  • Heartbreakingly Beautiful. My heart goes out to you. I admire that strength you carry. Your husband was a fighter just like you. Xoxoxo.

  • Kenia, this is an amazing insight to a part of your life. You really need to write a book. I never knew you would have such on impact on me just by reading your story, your posts.
    I could not help but shed tears after reading this, it was like tears of sadness and joy at the same time. You are truly blessed.

  • Tears are flowing!! I love u my friend!! So many times I want to hug you and talk about things but it seems that everytime we are together we are laughing and having a good time. I feel the peace with you. I am so glad he left with such peace because of that you will be ok. He is surrounding you and sending signs and I’m so glad I get to be a part of that with you. It is a reminder to me everyday how god does wonderful things!!!

  • You are an amazing women! Thank you for sharing your story. God bless

  • Kenia, you’re an amazing woman, mother and a friend. I have to say I’m speechless right now and I can’t seem to stop crying. Your journey with your husband was beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • All I can say is Thank you!
    Thank YOU for all you share.

  • Only God can give us a peace that surpasses all understanding. May God continue to bless you and continue to give you the strength to carry on. Be blessed!! Thanks for sharing such a private time in your life.

  • Oh my friend I know you have told me this before but when you put it in the written format it makes me realize more of your purpose! You are an amazing person and you have the gift to help others with your writing. I’m so glad you both had peace in what some describe as their darkest hours you had light and sunshine. John-Marlon will forever be by your to help you raise your children and in what life has in store for you. Love you girl xoxoxo

  • You have remarkable strength. God Bless you & your beautiful children. Thank You for sharing your very personal story. Marlon is surely proud of you. He will always be with you because true love like you two shared, never dies…

  • I am in tears…I so am. John Marlon – what a great man you were and continue to be. I met you once…but you have impacted me in so many ways. Although this picture is not of the same man I met (from the outside)…your spirit shines and it always will. Tomorrow you will feel all of us, Kenia Nunez-Suaza Claudia Frias and myself running for you…the great memories you left — we will honor you tomorrow and always.

  • Kenia I must say what an amazing human being you are. You have a special gift. God has choosen you. May he countine to guide and protect you and your love ones. God bless you and your family.

  • Amazing and the way you capture his final days show what a great woman you are. I am sure God is watching over your husband, you and your kids!

  • THIS WAS SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL AND MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL MAKES ME WANTS TO GO HOME AND HUG MY FIANCE AND APPRECIATE HIM SO MUCH MORE U ARE SO S TRONG AND I AM SURE HE SMILING DOWN ON YOU <3

  • Wow! You are such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your journey for I am sure you will be the voice and an inspiration for someone else going through such pain. Amazing! Wish you and your entire family as much peace and happiness as possible. Xo

  • Thank you for allowing me into your life in such a personal way by detailing this so remarkably. You continue to inspire me and I am in awe of you. All my love to you and the kids!! I have not been back to NYC for a while but when I return I must see you and give you the biggest hug ever! Love you my friend!

  • Wow…heartbreaking, funny & hopeful all wrapped up in one big love story…You are blessed…may His blessings continue to shine on you and your family…

  • Wow the tears streamed down my face as this touched me so much. I do not know you but know that you are touching so many people and you have eloquently described your story of faith.

  • I don’t even know you and I was on the verge of tears. My heart goes out to you and your family. You are an incredibly strong woman for writing this. Sending many prayers your way.

  • Wow! your strong beyond belief but fortunate to have experienced some of the best gifts life has to offer. Keep on sharing I so look foward to reading your stuff its not only inspirational but with faith, dedication, love and joy all is possible

  • No words are sufficient – just the feeling of gratitude for all that you have shared and appreciation for life and every breath. Gracias.

  • This is so heartbreaking and beautiful. May God continue to bless your path my dear friend.

  • I am very happy to see that you embrace your luck in the process of until you meet again.. I stand by what I have always said… there will only be 1 Kenia and Marlon knew that from day one!
    Me siento Honrada y orgullosa de conocerte.

  • Wow! simply amazing… Tears, love & strength. What a testimony & fine example you both lead. May God continue to bless you & your children.

  • Life is truly a mystery on its own. I don’t know you Kenia yet I feel i know you. We have a common friend Adelaida Vargas and to make it even more strange, after your husbands passing my husband had been in the hospital for months where I met this beautiful lady. A few days after my husbands surgery she had come back from a week vacation, when I saw her as always we greeted ourselves with a kiss and hug and asked her how was her vacation, she replied with sadness her son had lost his best friend, someone she herself knew and loved like a son. I looked at her in astonishment and asked her, is his name by any chance Marlon, its like I knew it was him and she said yes do you know him? I said, no but I know his wifes friend and have been reading her blogs. Life really is a mystery my husband had been sick for months, in and out of the hospital, yet somehow I was meant to know about you and your journey with Marlon to strength my belief that God doesnt give us a load we can’t handle. Your truly are an inspirational, courageous woman that I’ve come to admire. God only takes the best R.I.P. Marlon

    • Wow…… amazing how Marlon’s spirit reaches out to others in such a beautiful way. I’m guessing this was my Mom, Gloria 🙂

      • Yes it was your Mom, she is a lovely lady I’m so happy to have met her.

  • amiga mia, thank you for sharing this beautiful story. You are an amazing and strong woman, wife and mother. god bless you and your family. lots of love.

  • OMG…I am sobbing but out of joy for the peace you & your husband were able to experience together through such an ordeal. (I don’t know if you remember me, friends with Marysella) I had heard about your loss…but the way you tell it is incredibly moving. If at some point in your journey you were not sure about how to take life’s steps, now you are sure you know how…and with an angel to accompany you & your children.

  • you are truly amazing!!

  • You are an amazing women, God bless you and your family.

  • You are amazing. Please write s book. I am inspired by all of your posts. God Bless you and your family.

  • I don’t know you much but from what i do i see You are such a remarkable human being .. The love for god , your kids and for your husband you share is one of a kind .., thanks for sharing your life and making me be thankful for what I have specially god’s love…take care xoxo

  • your journey is inspirational, i love to read your post even if It mades me cry. I even look at the rain differently now, other time is raining i think about you and your family, wonder what are you feeling that your husband send you some rain, silly but i can’t hope it 😉 May God bless you and the kids, stay strong and keep writing, we love to read it. Thank you Kenia.

  • Thank You!

  • Kenia, my wonderful Angel. You are simply amazing. I love reading everything you post. Its like a book I don’t want to put down. This is so beautiful. I know Marlon is smiling from up above and letting his words flow through your writing. This is so spiritual !!!! Thanks for sharing…..

  • Thank you for your words and your sharing. We would all be so lucky to be next to our loves when they journey on.

  • Wow this is the most touching experiences I’ve heard..I laughed & cried but know the peace you’re referring to. May God continue to bless yours & your children’s lives every single day of your life. You are truly amazing

  • May The Lord continue to be your peace, your strength, your everything.

  • God is watching over me….he put you in my life and I have no intentions to loose sight of you. Thanks for sharing and God bless your writing skills. XOXO

  • you are truly an inspiration. Our everyday worries seem minimal now….thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.

  • Your strenght and peace is a wonderful gift from God. What a beautiful love story.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *