Forgiving others


FORGIVE…and if you do, don’t half a@@ it!

Do you realize that when you forgive someone, you are also forgiving yourself? How is that you ask? Well because in forgiving you become vulnerable, you may think you appear weak, a pushover, a doormat, a joke. In the process we forgive ourselves for exposing our soul. And that is the very reason why we don’t like to forgive because we have to put down our armor and “lose control”, but if you really think about it, we are actually gaining power and not losing any at all. When you forgive, you are telling the other person, you hurt me, but you will not own me. When we refuse to forgive we our stuck in the past and can’t possibly live in the moment, and this vicious cycle will breed more negativity into your life whether you like it or not.

I have learned to forgive, but in the same breath I have had to ask those very people who have hurt me to not be part of my life. I forgive them, but I will not allow them to abuse me. There is a clear distinction in forgiving and allowing others to maliciously and continuously attack your soul. If they choose to change their ways, I will receive them with open arms.

My husband and I made many mistakes in our marriage, and I take full responsibility that when he asked for forgiveness on any given issue, that I never truly forgave him. I always dug into my bag of tricks when I wanted to remind him of how “crappy” he was as a husband. My husband was obviously not crappy, he was an amazing human being, but because I never learned the true meaning of forgiveness I sabotaged my marriage every time he had any small slip up.

I cannot change my past, but I share our journey because gosh (and I don’t even use that word) GOSH, I really wish some marriages that are suffering can realize that each situation is a NEW situation. Never hash out old issues to deal with the here and now. Living in that fashion will lead to an ugly divorce, infidelity or a life of regret. If someone had shared those options with me, I would have changed my ways 13 years ago!

Photo: Marlon’s note to me after a silly argument. He hung this note out of the window as I pulled up to the driveway and had a beautiful dinner prepared for me, he greeted me with the most awesome kiss. Was I in the moment? Probably not:(

These are the lessons of my journey….yep, the good, bad and for the ugly…you’ll have to read the book:)

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