Boob Power

Boobie Power! As I approached my 40th bday this year I ran to get my “girls” checked. I got my yearly mamo and all was perfect. I celebrated my victory because let’s face it – when you lose your 39 year old husband to Cancer….it changes the mindset. After my mamo I had a follow up with my Doctor and he suggested that I get a sonogram because I had dense breast. I was like sure….but in that moment panic set in as I wondered if I had prematurely celebrated a clean bill of health. As my mind raced, I was interrupted by him telling me to keep up the good work – he was complimenting me on my muscle definition in my upper body. In that moment I realized…oh yeah – I take awesome care of myself – I have nothing to worry about…but that was short lived. I scheduled my sonogram and after results came in…I was referred for a second more comprehensive sonogram due to some concerns in my left breast.

After the second sonogram, there were still concerns. Sh!t I thought!!! As my heart jumped into my mouth I faintly heard the word biopsy. The moment the doctor said biopsy my life began to flash before my eyes. I forgot to breathe, I began to cry, I lost faith in that moment. As I cried the Doctor watched me with empathy and I apologized for my breakdown but shared that this was all too familiar – it brought me back to my husband’s battle.

As any frantic single mother would react, I scheduled my biopsy immediately as I needed to know yesterday. The Doctor suggested I wait a few months, but I wanted an answer NOW. My biopsy was scheduled a few days later. I showed up to my biopsy alone and scared and refused for anyone to come with me.

As I walked out from the hospital that day…I wanted to throw up. The urge to vomit wasn’t because of the procedure – it was because I realized that I had just done something that could literally change the course of my life and my children’s life as I knew it.

As I sat in my bed paralyzed when I realized that my life insurance I got in my 20s was set to expire in a few years. I tried to stop but couldn’t help but to think of the worst. How could I be so selfish and get a biopsy without making sure if my life insurance was in order. If I die my children are left with nothing! As my toxic mind began to overtake my soul, I knew it was time for an intervention..I could not tackle these demons alone. I reached out to friends and shared my worries and my sense of failure. After one particular friend let me have a good cry, she let me have it. I ended up laughing at myself and we cracked jokes about how I should go read my own book. We laughed so hard that a peace beyond my understanding came over me.

boobies

As I waited for my results in the days after – I was in a place of gratitude in knowing that whatever God handed to me – he would equip me to get through. I went back to my normally scheduled program after days of panic stricken fear. I surrendered!

I share this story for many reasons. I for one was reminded of the gift of friendships, of surrendering, of pure faith and continued self care through the storm…but the one message that may be lost is one that I would like to bring awareness to in case this has never crossed your mind.

If you have any procedures done that result in an a diagnosis of chronic illness or malignancy then you will be deemed uninsurable. Use the yearly checkups as an opportunity to pause and analyze your life insurance – think worst case scenario so you don’t have any regrets of what you should have or could have done if the result is not favorable. If you have life insurance… is it enough to sustain your loved ones living without you? We always want to remain optimistic but it’s a proven fact that life is not always fair – and a little preparation will not hurt….it can only help you and most importantly your loved ones.

God bless you all!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *