Your Breakdown is actually a Breakthrough

In my journey I have learned the hard way that I can choose to look at moments of crisis as a BREAKDOWN or a BREAKTHROUGH.

A breakdown by definition means “collapse, fall apart”. Back in late 2010/early 2011 this is exactly what happened to me. I fell apart at a time when I should have been praising God for all of our amazing blessings. I had a good and healthy husband, 3 amazing children, the job of my dreams and a beautiful house in the suburbs. I somehow managed to be functional despite my severe undiagnosed depression. I was in such a dark place that I could barely stand the sight of my own face; I dreaded walking passed mirrors. I even contemplated covering or removing all of the mirrors in my home, but I ultimately decided that was a stupid idea because I would also have to figure out how to dodge my reflection in public places too.

I tried to desperately to rise from my despair, but I lost my grip each and every time. I was losing the joy of living, and every time that Marlon tried to help me, my anger towards him grew furiously out of control. It was HIS fault I was miserable…or so I thought. I was definitely having a BREAKDOWN!

In 2012 when Marlon was diagnosed with Cancer, I made a conscious decision to embrace this NEW crisis with a better approach. I knew that I would have a BREAKTHROUGH no matter what the outcome was on this new chapter of our lives. A breakthrough by definition means “discovery.”

I opened my heart and began to understand that my journey was not only a discovery about me as a human being, but of all of the lessons that God intended for me to learn along the way.

I will one day share details about my depression in a more in depth way, but the lesson that I want to share today is that FAITH is always tested in times of crisis. Always rely on God when the weight on your shoulders is too heavy to carry. Learn to surrender those things you cannot control. When you surrender you are making a conscious decision to have a BREAK-THROUGH and not a BREAK-DOWN. A break-down only happens when you resist to accept the very thing that is causing you pain.

There is pain that is sometimes so unbearable that our soul screams for mercy. I have been there – I know.

However, I learned that when God puts my faith to the test, he is preparing me for a Breakthrough in my life, and I can honestly say that today I am truly excited to see what my future holds for me and my children despite our loss.

I leave you with this….please REMEMBER that when life puts you to the test, you are not having a breakdown….but a breakthrough! Embrace the greatness that is yet to come even if you don’t believe it just yet. Surrender and exhale. Tomorrow is a new day.

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